Tuesday, November 11, 2008

A Tale of Two Ta-Tas

This past weekend I finally did something I've been promising myself I would do for a long time.

I had a professional br@ fitting.

See, I've nursed three babies, for over a year each. The "girls" have been working pretty much non-stop since 2002. And now, well -- they're a little worse for the wear.

I figured a professional br@ fitting might be just the thing to help me gain a few more cup sizes sans surgery make the most of what I've got. I scheduled an appointment at Intimacy -- home of the renowned Br@ Whisperer.

I had the highest of hopes.

Turns out, I was wearing the wrong size -- and my lovely Whisperer Stacy spent quite a bit of time enlightening me on the finer points of a well-fitting undergarment.

Yet, while my fitting was "complimentary," I can assure you that the supportive undergarments were not.

Br@ Whispering does not come without a price, my friends.

The price tag -- oh, I'm ashamed to share this with you -- was $65 and up. Per br@. One br@ I bought was over $100.

Let me type that again.

I bought one br@ for $104.

And no, it was not the one encrusted with diamonds that they show on the cover of that famous catalog of underpinnings.

(But it does convert into three different styles, so I kind of felt like I was getting a deal.)

All told, I spent WAY TOO MUCH in that store. Even my mother -- who is all about spending money on "important wardrobe staples" -- had to pick her jaw up off the floor when I told her what I spent.

I'm not proud.

And, it should come as no surprise that Intimacy doesn't offer refunds.

Store credits? Yes.

Refunds? No.

Obviously, I'm not the only woman who stumbled out of the store, teensy shopping bag in hand, and stood in horror as the lingerie-induced haze lifted from her brain and she came to grips with the reality of what she had just done.

For the rest of the day, not only did I find myself staring at people's chests wondering how much they paid for their underpinnings, but I also began viewing every potential purchase in terms of a br@.

For example, a supa-cute jacket in Nordstrom would cost me about one br@.

A sweater I loved in Ann Taylor -- just under one br@.

Some makeup I was considering in Sephora -- about half a br@.

Lunch? About a strap's worth.

But, perhaps most frustrating was the fact that I left my fitting a little depressed. My new purchases were eons better than what I had been wearing, but after such a significant investment, I was kind of hoping I'd have a little more to show for it.

Literally. As in an extra cup size or two.

Now, I know that's ridiculous, but part of me hoped that maybe there was some super-secret trick the Br@ Whisperer would share for making me look more endowed than I really am.

Well, I suppose there is a trick. It's called an implant and they just don't do those at Intimacy.

So, while I wrestled with what I spent, I also had to wrestle with the fact that a girl's gotta work with what she's got.

And for me, the fact of the matter is that in the ta-ta department, that's not much.

But, then I stop and realize that "what I have" is really a matter of perspective. I look at my three beautiful kids. I consider the fact that I'm healthy and have the energy I need to do what I do each day. I look at my husband who loves me no matter how much money I manage to spend on undergarments what happens.

While my physical cups might be a little on the sparse side, my metaphorical cups truly runneth over.

And in the end, I'll take that over a great rack any day of the week.


Soliloquy said...

You expected me to be the FIRST comment on the boob post, didn't you?

Well of course, I am.

But, we're NOT going to show this post or this comment to Spin.

But for what it's worth (and because I look at EVERYONE'S boobs) - you looked terrific on Saturday night. And I have to assume you were in one of your new underpinnings, as you call them.

I love that word. I'm going to have to use it more often.

I digress.

If it makes you feel any better? Even WITH implants, I find myself wishing I had a "little more to show for it. Literally. As in an extra cup size or two."

You said that. But the same is true for me.

So, I am challenged to embrace your optimism and focus on what I do have as well.

A cup overflowing.

But let me remind you.

Spin cannot ever see this.


mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I needed to laugh today...this post hit the spot! Hilarious, yet poignant. Your cup(s) and mine runneth over indeed. :)

I really need to schedule a professional br@ fitting. I've known that for years now, but never worked up the nerve to do it. I probably need to save some $$ first though, huh?

Vanessa said...

Thanks for the laugh and the reflective thoughts - what a great post. I've considered a bra fitting for a while, but have never wanted to spend the money - ahhh! Great meeting you this weekend.

amy said...

wowsers..ive been tempted to go there but i think i will skip it..

love the post though

Cookie Cawthon said...

You are too funny. and witty. and a great writer to boot! So enjoyed this post and meeting you this past weekend. Look forward to following you, your life, and your insight from here on out...

Christina Lee said...

wow! that sure beats my Hanes bra purchase from Target for $19.99. But...with that being said it IS important to have good undergarments (just keep telling yourself that)-it really is. LOL!Look at it this way, my bra will fall apart in about two months and yours will last forever!!!!

Rachel said...

I'm wearing Vickie's but I've never heard of Intimacy.. interesting.

I love the spin you put on this. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Rock on, girl!!! I love the professional fittings!! I had one this summer and I couldn't BELIEVE what a difference it made! Now I'm ready to go again, as I just stopped nursing last week. (boo hoo!). I know it's crazy and it seems super expensive, but it's WELL worth it!! This week I've been wearing my non-nursing bras for the first time in over a year, and nothing fits!

Great post! (And don't sell yourself too short, Miss -- you look FABulous!)

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Now this is something I really need to do...this professional fitting. Although, like you, I am sure I would stumble out and then realize how much money I just spent and feel a little bummed. :)

You cup runneth over indeed...the one that really counts.

Darcie said...

I've been noticing that I'm spending way too much lately too. At precisely the time when I should be saving to spend on gifts. Shame on me.

At least you're covered in the underpinning department for a good long time right? That's a bright side. Although your cup runneth over outlook is even brighter. :)

Michelle said...

Funny. Good for you, the br@ fitting and realizing life's more than a large set of tata's. I've considered a br@ fitting but am currently happy with the "barely" size br@s, maybe another road trip to the "right" store- where'd you go again? Let us know if it's more comfy than your past br@s.

Amanda said...

I loved this too funny, you can have soem of mine and I'd settel for a bra that took soem away! lol
I cracked up over this post!
So fun.

Amanda said...

I loved this too funny, you can have soem of mine and I'd settel for a bra that took soem away! lol
I cracked up over this post!
So fun.

Ruthie said...

I went to Intimacy and was fitted by some sweet young woman. She had me strapped in so tight I was not sure I could breathe. She told me I would get used to it! I must agree breathing is highly overrated when you boobies are perky and you are sashing down the walk feeling confident because you know you are not sagging or dragging along. At the time it was worth the money, now I use VS bras because of the expense and strap myself in as tight as possible. Everyone needs to be fitted once and buy a fancy bra.
All said, my family cup is large and that is the one that matters the most in life. My family cup makes me stand taller, smile bigger and pull my shoulders back to make the physical cup look nicer! You Go Girl!

mah-meeee said...

i MUST go get a professional bra fitting done. my 'girls' can sure use some good support and not these things i buy from costco. :)

btw, so jealous you saw soliloquy! i just totally love you two and am so bummed!

Karen said...

Love the post! I walk by that store regularly and have considered a fitting but would rather spend money on other things. When I was pregnant, I had to have a couple of fittings at the hospital boutique. Not fun. Whew, don't miss that.


erika chapman said...

What a great post! You are so witty. Not that I critique (honestly!) but you looked great on Saturday:) I think getting a bra fitting for me would be far too depressing. Not sure they sell fancy "barely there" bras! You are a great writer friend! And a great attitude to adopt.

Jessica said...

This post is so great!! I have been wanting to have a professional fitting ever since Oprah had a show about it!! I have been measured at VS...but I never feel like I am getting the proper support!! The "girls" they have working in that store never seem to know what they are doing...most of them aren't even fully developed themselves--LOL!!